Divorce | The Real and the Ideal



Hear the full message HERE.

Divorce is a hard topic. Especially in the church. It feels like some pretty strict things have been said about it, and every message we’ve heard on it has fueled the self-righteousness of some while deepening the wounds of guilt and shame for others.

I was a child of divorce myself, a divorce that at times had me wishing for the divorce even if I knew what the bible said about it. Being a child of divorce, I wanted to communicate a message that captured both the teachings of scripture and the messiness of these broken relationships.

The first truth to name was that nobody wants a divorce.

The second truth to name is that there are times when divorce is the necessary course of action.

The third truth is, just because its necessary, doesn’t mean we desired it.

Divorce maybe, is not what we hoped for, and we can’t carry the weight of that forever. But at the same time, if we are being honest, we feel the need to grieve what was lost-to recognize that it always hurts when something is broken.

I guess what I am saying is, in the end, the church needs to recover an understanding of lament. It’s grieving the loss, but it’s letting go of the shame and guilt.

This is so because, as Pastor Dave Mudd put it, “Jesus taught an ideal, but refused to condemn those who feel short.”

Yes, Jesus set up an ideal. Jesus gave us a vision for marriage to reflect the unending, covenantal love and fidelity of God for his people. And yet Jesus knew and felt the very brokenness of the world in his own body. He felt the cleaving of his own “one flesh” in his agony at the cross.

So in this message we wrestle with this tension of the real and the ideal. The strain for the ideal and the pain of the real. It’s messy. It’s broken. But it’s been redeemed and it’s being healed.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts. I hope you find it holistic and healing.



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